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Updated: Apr 3, 2022

My last day at home was March 6th, 2020. I was with my best friends at the time rolling our suitcases into a coffee shop to sit down before we went off to another friend’s house for the night. I can not go into detail past thisfor the sake of the good representation of our fraternity. I didn’t know it then, but I’d never bring the suitcase back.

I was – perhaps you think this is embarrassing – the boarding prefect at my high school. I went home for spring break that year thinking about all the events I’d organize for the boarders when we got back. There’s not much you can do with a peeling, 150 year old building with an all-white administration that’s just as old, but 70 girls were counting on me to feel like they could still be cared for miles away from their families.

For obvious reasons, we didn’t make it back to get much into fruition. I became versed enough in Zoom to keep us together online, but for two years, I daydreamed about the posters I never got to take down in my bedroom and the lack of closure with the friends I grew up with. Most, but not exclusively queer people are familiar with a “found family”: people you’re not related to, but who you love so unconditionally they surpass that connection. These people were mine. I tried, but I never really got over how we weren’t together for the last time. I’d lost something. I got diagnosed with such a bad case of peaking in high school they put me on Lexapro.

APO was something I did on a whim. I’d only heard of it because a brother (hi Joey ^_^) was someone I admired and lived with in high school. I rushed for pretty much the same reason most brothers did. It sounds cool, I’ve heard about it, the people seem nice. I didn’t even know if I wanted to get close with people here. But I made a friend, then two, then five, and I learned I can love more than just the Toronto Transit to the city. I want to take the train over to Flushing and look at stationary before I get dessert. I want to sleep on my big’s floor after we make a meal. I want to pretend I’m studying when I’m just talking to my friends in the library. I want to walk over to my old friend’s flat right by the New School and tell her about my week and how we did and didn’t change.

I’m cynical. I’ve only known APO for one semester, and while I like and respect it, it isn’t Frank Reed Horton I’m head over heels for. Like any organization, it can kind of suck sometimes. I’ll probably get tired of the hoopla eventually. It’s similar, but not the same as what I had a couple years ago. But I love the people in APO so deeply I have something just as important to me in just a semester. I was boarding prefect and I became rush chair because I found people I cared so much about, I wanted to share it. I wanted rushees to come to events and feel like they could find one of their people. I wanted to show everyone the people I was proud to be friends with, and get closer to the fresh faces. Of course, APO isn’t that personal to everyone – but I worked thinking that for someone, it could.

My committee is three, Lauren, Lillian and Soy, but all my friends not even in the committee came to and helped with every rush event. It’s a little gross how nice they were about it. They worked hard with me, and their hard work paid off. An overwhelming amount of rushees I loved and hoped would keep going are now pledges. Now that my work is just about done, I can step back and be excited for them to get comfortable. To any brothers who haven’t met them yet, you’re missing out. The pledges are sweet, committed, and have a lot to learn. I hope any of them get half as close as I feel to the people I love here. I hope they stay.


Kai *Lucifer* He

Beta Mu, Fall 2021

Rush Chair | Spring 2022


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